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The First Trimester: Word Vomit

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When I started this blog back in 2013 I had planned to share the in un-glamorous side of parenting: the real life pressures of motherhood and the struggles of pregnancy. And, when we fell pregnant with Nerg, I was all set to word vomit (and er actual vomit) on my updates. But the pregnancy was a dream until the final few weeks so I guess we can say you were spared.

It’s seems this pregnancy however, has offered a second chance. Lucky me! Only 14 weeks in and I’m done. It’s been utterly shit and I want to spread some of that around…. so, if you have a weak stomach, or possibly want more children in the future, I urge you not to continue beyond This point…

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Here goes!!! We’re talking the full works, nausea day and night… excessive tiredness, heartburn and migraines…. it’s not like the movies, where some ‘probably never before been pregnant’ film star, delicately pulls her hair to the side and spits a little of her granola into a pristine toilet bowl… no! It’s where a slightly overweight acne-clad mum of three trips over Lego and vomits her cocopops through a mass of unkept hair onto the hallways floor…. from a great height I hasten to add (I’m 5ft 8)

It’s not a stifled yawn over a plate of vegan dinner! It’s falling asleep at 2:30pm with a toy train in one hand and waking up to find the littlest has emptied the entire contents of the wet wipe packet over your feet…. it’s also not caring and just being glad he found something to do.

It’s moving to a new house that smells faintly of dog hair and being slightly thankful that your immune system is suppressed and has given you a cold….again.

It’s driving along the road and realising your eyes are so swollen suddenly from sun sensitivity and acne that you have to pull over for 15 mins before you can continue your trip to Tesco…. with your husbands sunglasses perched over your own specs…. I look so fucking hot!

It’s not craving pickles… it’s wanting a huge bucket of KFC at 10pm even though you live 25 miles from the nearest one…. and knowing that even if you somehow magic it into your lap, you’ll be up until the early hours with raging heartburn, swigging Gaviscon from the bottle in manner of a teen with their first alcopop.

Oh but that’s all bearable compared to the headaches…. the huge fucking eyebrow aching, neck clicking, eye twitching migraines that seem to plague my days…. preventing me from writing nearly as much as I would like…. staring at the computer screen just doesn’t appeal…. in fact tonight I still wasn’t going to write but something changed my mind… I took some paracetamol this evening, and, after carrying the children to bed, I ran to the bathroom and vomited them back up into the Fireman Sam potty…. as I sat there, mildly relieved that at least I hadn’t peed my pants…and realised I needed to share this… (bet you’re glad you continued reading) cos, while I guess deep down I know I’m going to get a beautiful baby when this is over, I still feel so shitty that it’s hard to see through the fog at the moment and I want other mums to know that’s it’s ok to feel like that too. Assuming I’m not alone here??? I’m reaching out and hoping it’s not just me who finds it utterly exhausting…

Yes pregnancy is a blessing!! As an adopted child I know this too well but it’s also bloody tough and I’m not enjoying it….. I’ve even wondered if it’s worth it… if putting my body and my children through this is fair. Nerg already asks ‘sick?’ If I stop suddenly in a game or leave the table during lunch. But I smile, and I say ‘mummy is fine, it’s just baby’….because I am fine, and women have gone through this time and time again for centuries…. plus I’m kinda lucky I’m going through it with CBeebies, take out and YouTube surprise egg videos…. thank fuck!

Now…. please baby…give me a little break, make my hair shine and my skin glow for the second trimester…. just for a few weeks before the stretch marks and swollen feet take over….please!!

 

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