We’ve all seen mum shaming on social media, perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of it? There are campaigns galore promoting solidarity amongst mothers…. Stop fighting each other guys!!!! But…..
SORRY NOT SORRY IM CALLING BULLSHIT
You wouldn’t gather a group of students or accountants or women in general together (or dads even if the accountant metaphor doesn’t cut it) and tell them they all had to get along… Why not? Because being an accountant isn’t the be all and end all of their existence, it’s just one of many roles they have…not the entirety of who they are! (The accountant analogy doesn’t work does it?).
Sure, being a mother is not just a job title, but it’s also not our only identity… I’m a geek, a wife, a marketing specialist…… a writer….. and it stands to reason I’m not going to get along with everyone…… I’m a 90s nostalgia geek, with a bit of Harry Potter fanage…. Tech geeks and quirky artistic geeks don’t get me……I’m not cool at all, and….I’m cool with that!! I’m never going to be part of the yummy mummy brigade…the same as I was never part of the ‘in’ crowd at school! I’ll find my own clique… Just because we are mums doesnt mean we should automatically be pals right?
Ok, so we aren’t friends, but that doesn’t mean I should judge your parenting decisions right? Perhaps I shouldn’t! But, shock horror, I do! And I’m calling any mother who says they don’t…
Â If you think I’m the biggest bitch in the world for admitting this, then I’m about to go for the ‘queen cow crown’…..and tell you… I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing either….
Motherhood is possibly the biggest responsibility we will ever have. It’s a lifetime commitment of love, and actually it’s a frikkin’ big deal, that’s why, when I hear other mothers saying they never judge, I just don’t believe they can be truely that blasé about motherhood. Raising our children takes conviction. Every decision we make has a profound impact on how our little ones grow and develop in life. If you don’t have strong opinions on the ‘right’ way to raise a child, then I’d be seriously worried.
I certainly have very strong ideas and opinions….can you hand on heart say you don’t?
So maybe I have these ideals, does that make everyone else’s wrong? Well yes, yes it does! Because my reality is different from yours, or your friends or Jane Doe muma down the street.
Ultimately I think parenting decisions can be plotted on two lines….. The extent you put your child’s needs before your own and the extent to which you think doing so is beneficial in their development. From baby led to parent led and all that’s in between…. No one (excluding Narcissistic and abusive parents) just wings the important aspects of parenting
Does this mean I’m free to mum shame? Wade in with my opinion without being asked? No of course not, but you won’t find me denying my judgement….. Ask me my opinion I will give it…. Along with my reasons…. I’ll also listen to yours… See what I can learn. Of course my opinions can change, in fact from Baby number one to number three my ideas and experience have altered. Not every child is the same…..
I can love and respect you….. but I can’t promise I won’t judge you…. A little bit!! I’ll also not be ashamed of thinking ‘hmmmm that wouldn’t be my choice’….. Because, I’m making darn sure I’m passionate in my parenting choices.