Marriage is about compromise right? That’s what we are told. Communication is key…. blah blah… listening to your other halves feelings and taking them on board rather than asserting or pushing your own agenda etc etc… but what about when it comes to finding out the sex of your unborn baby? Does mum get an edge on that one??
Current bump is my fourth and my husbands third, ever since we were pregnant with Roo back in 2012 Scott has said he wanted to find out the flavour of the Macdonald offspring at 20 weeks. I have always responded with a resounding No!
They say you push better if you don’t know…. but to me there is also something anticlimatic about the sonographer telling you your future rather than the ‘it’s a (insert gender here)’ revelation following hours of painful childbirth. Finding out was my well earned reward after three pregnancies and labours.
It seems somewhat inpatient to find out beforehand unless your baby is poorly… in that instance I totally get why you would want to know if you were carrying a son or daughter. But, in a healthy pregnancy, gender reveals seem almost symbolic of how fast paced life is now. How everything has to be planned and known in advance…..It seems to me that many people not only find out the gender, but also announce names before little one has even taken his or her first breath. Where’s the intrigue and the surprise? but also, where is that added intimacy between new parents? That little bit of knowledge they get to share as a couple before they announce to the world.
I’m a social media addict, and I’m not ashamed! Of course I don’t have babies to announce their birth on Facebook, that’s just narsisistic, creepy and slightly insane, but, there’s something special about posting or reading a status which says more than just ‘he/she’s here’ and a weight…..’ or getting that special phone call from a friend or family member sobbing their newborns name down the phone with pride….
It gives me the warm fuzzies
I figure that a baby pretty much eats, sleeps and shits for the best part of 2 months so who really cares what colour sleep suit they’re spitting up their milk up on? Yes it’s nice to decorate a nursery too but, as we have made the decision to keep our offspring in our room for as long as they need us, we won’t be painting up any walls for the first year or so anyway…..
So many reasons here before I even get started on gender stereotyping from the womb….. no no I won’t bore you with that crap but I could go on all day…. and with poor Scott I have….. He knows that certain parenting decisions are just non options for me and thankfully he and I are on the same page when it comes to full term breastfeeding, co-sleeping, child led weaning and a whole host of other personal choices…. but this?! This finding out beforehand is one thing we disagree on….. well that and girls being allowed to join scouts…(sigh)
While I have listed my views here he could give you a hundred more for why finding out is an awesome option. In fact here’s what he said about wanting to find out when I interrupted his studying to get a quote
‘You can personify your child. Dads pretty much wait around for 9 months and occasionally get their hand grabbed to feel a kick… but finding out before and having that initial excitement is pretty awesome. Mums bond with baby in the womb, it’s a bit harder for dads but knowing is like being in on the secret’
He pulled the dad card…. in the same way I’ve pulled the ‘I gotta push this thing out’ for the past two pregnancies, he’s used one aspect I can’t possibly relate to to illustrate why he would like to know this time around. And how can I just dismiss that?
So what were we left with when heading into our 20 weeks scan? surely he deserves the chance to try it his way? It’s way past his ‘turn’ isn’t it??
Perhaps it’s I who needed to compromise this time around!
We agreed fairly early into this pregnancy that it was time to experience it from the other side I figure I owe him this gift not only because he’s an awesome father but because marriage is about listening to your husband and agreeing sometimes to try things his way.
So…… here’s how the gender of baby four was revealed.
There we are in the scan room, while I lift up my jelly belly with a small bump while the sonographer talked us through what she was seeing, a very wriggly baby tbh and an anterior placenta. A good strong heartbeat and to be expected measurements and then, when she had reassured us all was well, she moved down to see the gender of our baby, hand gestures were made to confirm what was seen and I looked up at Scott to see his non reactive face…. Jelly was wiped away and we made our way out clutching some rather blurry images to await the consultant appointment.
For 20 mins we sat there and still Scott said nothing. I couldn’t tell if he was happy or shocked or content or anything tbh, I tried to read his expression but he’s remained tight lipped ever since, because you see, I looked away while the sonographer did her thing, I didn’t compromise on my reasons for not knowing but I handed my husband a gift…. this could well be our last baby and he knows if we are pink or blue but I still have no idea…. this way we both get what we want….. the perfect compromise!?
Of course there’s been the odd bluff now and possibly the odd double bluff too to keep me guessing. He can’t start sorting the boys clothes or painting a nursery but then for him it’s not about planning or practicalities, it’s about a little bond formed between father and child before we have even reached our due date and that I have to agree is pretty darn awesome….. and apparently not anticlimactic.