Time to myself seems to be becoming more and more frequent, first it was a few mins before I started work, next it was a few evening hours and, less than a week ago, I had three hours in the day (although still in the house with the children)…. But now… It’s like party time. I’m sat on my own, in a different town to the children with the prospect of three more hours of this…. It’s feels very strange.

When you work from home you don’t escape, the children though watched over, are still there, and I’m ever present…. Everything revolves around what has and hasn’t been done in the home. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad with the unending to-do-list… Turns out, out of sight really is Out of mind….. Hmmmm

I’m at hospital for my eye check, which in itself has been a bit of a mission. Apparently you can’t drive back yourself, you can’t request an appointment when your husband is off and you can’t take two toddlers… All of these are perfectly understandable… Except that I have two toddlers, a school run, a working husband, no family nearby and, oh yes I live in the middle of nowhere…. To get to said hospital would take a couple of hours via public transport, a train, bus…. Jet ski, you get the idea.

Anxiety is the bane of my life and suddenly I’m thrown in at the deep end… And hey guess what? I’m alive, I survived… I left the little ones at home with peppa pig and a box of cookies…. Not really… I called in our mothers help on her day off…. Drove to the hospital! Alone omg!!! I did it, country lanes and a city… I’m awesome!! I parked, paid, and checked in…. For anxiety sufferers, these little things are BIG! Sometimes the things others take for granted are a mighty adventure….. I’m bear sodding grills today!!!

I’m currently sat in the waiting room with lots of elderly patients (eye issues aren’t a fashionable ailment)….. (A particularly lively couple are discussing ok magazine) and I have to wait in the hospital until my husband can join me from work and drive us both home… I’m looking, (though a bit blurry), at three hours to kill… Naturally I’m writing a blog post to fill time and to stem my anxieties. I’m never out in public without my husband, save the regular haunts, and so far so good, providing I don’t make eye contact I’ll be fine…. Which given the department, could be achievable!!

When a hospital check-up is classed as ‘me time’ you know you’re not getting enough time alone

I’m thinking I’ll go have a cupa when I’m excused, actually deal with other people…. Other people who might judge me!!! maybe a slice (slab) of unjudgemental cake? (cake loves you unconditionally) and I won’t have to share it!…. But after that, I’m not entirely sure! Do hospitals have bars??? Why is it that being away from children means you feel the need to drink… It’s like obligatory…. Let’s get pissed, smoke a joint…. Swear our heads off and play with knives…. Not because I want to…. But because I CAN!!

Last night I had a group of friends round for a toddler group meeting and Scott got nerg to sleep, on his own, for the very first time…..

Everything’s changing…… Soon I won’t have anymore excuses I’ll have to get a social life…. Ofcourse, no point worrying about that yet…I might be going blind.